Do Blowjob Simulators Work?

Gary down the pub really loves to shout about how his Mrs gives him a blowjob every single day. Whether she actually does or doesn’t is something I’ll likely never know for sure. But I’m fairly confident that for a large portion of the blokes in Britain, if we want a daily blowjob,then it’s best if we find ourselves a blowjob simulator.

And frankly, what guy wouldn’t want to receive a blowjob every single day, if we were given that as an option?

A large number of men’s sex toys are either too large to keep handy, or are too difficult to clean to use daily. I really fancied that daily blowjob though, so I went looking for something small enough to keep in my bedside drawer, but fun enough that I would want it’s lips around me every single day.

Enter the TENGA Ultra Size Edition Deep Throat Onacup

Cripes, that’s a mouthful and a half. No pun intended.

There’s actually a few different versions in the ‘Onacup’ range. There’s the standard double hole, standard deepthroat, standard rolling head, and the ultra size deep throat.

I’ll be honest, when I was weighing up all of these choices, I had no idea which one to get. Sometimes having too much of a good thing is more problematic than only having one or two different options to choose from.

As it turned out I could rule one out straight away: the Rolling Head version was out of stock. That just left the other three to choose from.

I’ve been caught out buying ‘standard’ or so-called ‘normal’ size sex toys in the past. After being stung by this in the past, if there’s a big option available I generally go for that. That’s why I opted for the Ultra Size Deep Throat.

And hey, it stroked my ego.

My Perfect Blowjob Simulator Should Have The Following Traits

I have only a few requirements for this toy to meet in order to fulfil it’s purpose. These being:

1. My perfect blowjob simulator should actually feel like a real blowjob
2. My perfect blowjob simulator should be easy to hide within close proximity to my bed
3. My perfect blowjob simulator should not cost the Earth

I don’t expect it to be as good as the real thing, but I would like it to be very close, and I’d like to be able to shove the thing back in my sock drawer without too much fuss after the deed is done.

Is that too much to ask? Let’s find out.

Does it Simulate a Real Blowjob?

Let’s start with the biggy: Does this thing feel like a real blowjob?

Well, it’s designed to feel like a deep throat blowjob, rather than the, ahem, more classical approach to fellatio.

That said, it definitely does feel like a deep, wet blowjob, but because you are in control of the suction, it’s not exactly like the real thing.

Although the sensations feel great, the mystery of what your partner is going to do next is missing. That’s the big thing that sets this apart from reality.

But I’m OK with that.

You control the suction by way of the air hole at the top. The problem here is that which seems to affect all toys like this – from Fleshlights to Spiders to stag-do novelty items – sometimes it ends up making unsexy farting sounds.

There’s not much you can do to counter this. Suction is one of natures laws. If a sex toy manufacturer figured this problem out, they could likely sell the patents to NASA for millions.

Aside from the occasional suction noise though,  for me this feels as good as a modern Fleshlight for less than a fifth of the price.

Is it Easy to Hide?

It’s pretty easy to hide actually, yeah.

Even though all the pictures you will see show the Tenga Onacup with bright red packaging, in reality, to ‘open it’, you need to peel away all the bright red outer plastic wrapping, leaving you with a pretty innocuous looking white funny shaped tube that reminds me of a roll-on antiperspirant bottle.

Honestly though, it’s not going to take someone too long to figure out what this device is for if they get up close and personal with it.

Is it Worth the Money?

There’s only one definitive way to answer this, and that’s to use it and compare it to multi-use sex toys like the Fleshlight.

So, how do I use it?

The protective bottom cap comes off with a slight twist and you’re immediately met with a smooth entrance hole just waiting for penetration. Once inside, the in-built lube reservoir quickly slickens whatever may intrude.

In all the official docs and manuals for the Tenga Onacup it’s defined as a single / one time use product.

In reality, even on the official LoveHoney product video, Annabelle Knight says you can get away with using this more than once if you wear a condom. The reason for this is if you do cum inside it, you can’t easily wash it.

If you are really daring, you can practice the withdrawal method. In my opinion, that will require some zen-like ninja skills and in the heat of the moment you will just think: “fuck it.”

Simply put: if you want to get more than a single go out of this toy, make sure you rubber up.

Is it really like a Deep Throat Blowjob?

On the inside it’s a decent blowjob simulation of the real thing.

But it’s not quite perfect a perfect replica.

You control the suction with the little hole at the top, lifting your finger or pressing it down to adjust the amount of suction that’s being applied to your member.

You also have to hold the container / tube / outside shell with your other hand so that detracts from the illusion.

But make no mistake, it feels really good. It’s a treat.

Which is perfect if your wife, girlfriend or significant other can’t or won’t deep-throat your cock.

The Questions I Wanted Answered Before I Bought

I’ve been buying and using men’s sex toys now for a good few years.

Back when I first started buying though, the quality wasn’t always that great. Even today, there is a lot of tat on the market, but thankfully, the bigger name stores don’t seem to stock so much of it.

Even so, I am always left with a few niggling questions – as I’m sure most of us are with any purchase – just before I click that ‘Buy‘ button.

With that in mind, here are the questions I had that I wish had been answered before I bought my Tenga Ultra Deepthroat.

You say it’s re-usable with condoms, but how many uses will I get out of it?

This was probably my biggest unanswered question. I could see other customer reviews on Lovehoney where people were saying you could re-use it, but I wanted to know how many times.

I have since found reviews that say up to 15 times.

Personally, I can’t say I have kept a strict diary on this or anything, but I’d say I used mine maybe 7 or 8 times before finally enjoying it for how it’s meant to be used.

It definitely feels better au-naturale!

How easy is it to re-fill with lube?

I had visions of trying to aim lube into a tiny hole and subsequently spilling and ruining the carpet or something.

Not so. A while back I bought a bottle of ID Glide lube, and completely misjudging how big the bottle would be, I got the 500ml pump top version. As it transpires, that’s probably enough lube to last me till I die, but the pump top really helps aim my lube top-ups in to my blowjob Onacup with no mess or spillage.

Incidentally, if you’re ever hosting a swingers party or shooting your own orgy video, be sure to get an industrial amount of lube. Good Lord, that’s probably enough lubricant for modern industrial machinery.

How big is this toy in reality?

My question was more around physical size on the outside, rather than insertable length, but I will try and cover both.

On the outside, it’s very similar to a can of any deodorant you see in the supermarket.

It looks bright red and attention seeking, but once you have it in your hands and are ready to use it, you will actually peel away all that outer packaging leaving behind only a pearl white plastic object.

In size I’d say it’s like having two tennis balls, one on top of the other. That’s about the size of it, but a little thinner.

In terms of insertable length, as I mentioned, I bought the Ultra Size version, partly out of male vanity, and partly because it’s better to be too big than too small as far as my gentleman’s sausage is concerned.

The Ultra Size comfortably accommodates me, but with 99 reviews compared to 34 reviews at the time of writing, most gents apparently opt for the regular size with few complaints.

What I would say is, be honest with yourself. If you don’t reach the back of this toy then there’s only really you that is missing out.

If you can’t insert over 5 and a half (5.5″) inches then go for the standard Tenga Onacup.

It’s better to buy the standard model and be able to enjoy this toy to its fullest, rather than be left wanting.

What are the bad points?

I can only really think of two.

1. It’s intended for single use
2. It’s too noisy to use discretely

Don’t buy this if you’re after a toy to slide in too whilst your partner is asleep next to you in bed.

Aside from the slurping / sucking sounds, you will have to exert Buddhist-like calm if you’re not thrusting for all your worth towards the climax.

My Tenga Onacup Usage Tips

With just a little care and attention, you can enjoy this toy again and again.

• Wear a condom
  This one single tip will save you a ton of money!
• Refill the reservoir
  Use this in conjunction with the previous tip. The easiest way to refill without making a real mess is to use a lube with a pump top.
• Buy the right size
  For maximum effect you want your entire length to be ensconced. Don’t be left wanting!

Be sure to come back and share your tips in the comments after you have tried this out!

The Bat-shit Wall Of Tenga Crazy

Being a Japanese company, Tenga have a few crazy advertising / marketing promos that I just had to share.

I swear, only in Japan…

Celebrity Endorsements

More celebrity endorsements on the official Tenga homepage. Unless you’re the kind of guy who has a hardcore knowledge of Japanese celebs, you likely won’t recognise many / any of them.

So far, so not that odd… I notice Jaguar Skills keeps his face covered up though, the crafty bugger.

Tenga Tengirl Manga

Yup, crazy Manga drawings on Tenga products as cartoon representations of so-called Tengirls. Click here for more of this sort of thing.

Tenga Robots

I don’t remember that one from Michael Bay’s Transformers movie.

And this one comes straight off a Japanese Twitter user. Talented, if completely surreal.

Yup, crazy.

They make a pretty wide variety of masturbators along this same theme, so horny artists have plenty of shapes and sizes for inspiration.

Product Preview Videos

Thats the official Tenga Cup video from YouTube.

I’d recommend watching that, purely for the somewhat surreal nature of watching a broadcastle-on-TV quality advert for a mens sex toy. Not often you see them. Well, not unless you watch Channel 4 very late in the evening.

Lovehoney Product Review Videos

I love the product review videos from Annabelle Knight. Watching her fondle various naughty objects always raises a smile.

 

If you are new to buying sex toys, there is also a beginner friendly introduction video.

Honestly, they aren’t that scary to buy. And this Tenga toy in particular is really quite easy to hide from your Mrs anyway.

Where Can I Buy?

Got this far and keen to know more, eh? I like it.

I bought mine from Lovehoney.

I like Lovehoney as I’ve used them many times in the past, and I know they always deliver quickly, and use discreet packaging. This is good, as sometimes my parcels end up at my elderly neighbours house, but I’m 99.9% sure that he doesn’t suspect a thing.

They also have a no quibbles return policy, which I have thankfully never had to use.

As of the time of writing, Lovehoney stock all four of the mentioned male masturbators, and they are available each for £13.99 delivered.